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Expert Q&A

	By Mardie Caldwell Adoption Expert, Author

My partner and I are pursuing international adoption. I am certain this is what I want, yet I have a history of panicking at the last minute. My partner suggested that I seek counseling before the adoption is final in order to head off any rough spots, but I am worried that this will reflect poorly on me as a potential mother and could cost me the child. Am I over thinking things? Is pre-adoption counseling a favorable thing?

It is very normal to have a few butterflies and sleepless nights when you are in the middle of an adoption or getting close to bringing your child home. This is one of the biggest steps and lifestyle changes you will ever make, and your child is depending on your mental and physical stability as a parent. I think pre-adoption counseling is wise. In fact, I have seen a birth mother in a domestic adoption select a single parent that went to parenting classes and counseling over a married couple that did not.

The key to good pre- and post-adoption counseling is to find someone that is experienced in adoption as it is today. With the right counselor, you will also want to address and work through your panic attacks, fears and over-analyzing of the adoption process. This person can also help you prepare for the lack of control in adoption, something that is hard on many of us as we go through the process. Many of these fears are normal, and many people don't ask for help when they really should.

There is nothing wrong with counseling, and I can't see that it would reflect poorly on you as an adoptive parent. Instead, it shows that as a soon-to-be-mother, you want to be the best mommy you can be. Many adoptive parents have shared how they felt more confident and secure in their adoption decision with some professional support and guidance. You may only need one or two meetings with a counselor, but you may find them so beneficial that you would like to continue when your child arrives. There are excellent books on adoption that might help. Look for the book Adoption Wisdom (Broken Branch Production, 1996) by Marlou Russell, Ph.D."

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