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Expert Q&A
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| By Paul Coleman Psychologist Family Therapist | ||
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We have an open adoption agreement with our son's birthparents. His birthmother is still grieving and during our phone calls says hurtful things to me. I do understand intellectually why she is acting out toward me but I wonder if I have to take her verbal abuse.
We have a meeting coming up, and I am wondering how I should handle her hostility.
I am unclear what an "open adoption agreement" actually means. Evidently, the birth mother has regular opportunities to talk to you. If she has no rights to the child, there is no benefit at all in putting up with any verbal abuse. It sounds like you have tried to be understanding, but the woman persists in harassing you.
You should be prepared to take legal steps (pressing charges) if she cannot control herself. If she does have some rights, you may need to consult with an attorney so that any hostility between the two of you does not result in legal action that would affect the adoption. The child's best interests are what is most important. It serves no good purpose if you and the birth mother have a hostile relationship. Perhaps she will eventually see the wisdom in that.
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