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Expert Q&A

	By Sharon LaMothe Surrogacy Expert

My best friend has three beautiful children, and she has offered to carry a child for my husband and me. Do we really need to involve other people in this process, or could we simply provide her with my husband's sperm? We would like to keep things quiet and intimate."

I am assuming that you are considering traditional surrogacy with your friend, meaning that she will be using her own eggs and your husband's sperm and involving IUIs (intrauterine inseminations). These can be done at home but are best done by a doctor who specializes in IUI for the best results.

Keeping with this assumption, only your friend and your husband will be related to the baby, and therefore, legally you will need to arrange for a stepparent adoption at the time of birth. (Please contact an attorney in your state for full details.)

Keeping this in mind, you need to think of all the implications that a "quiet and intimate" situation would expose you to. You would have no legal contract between your friend and you and your husband. You will have no STD or genetic testing or semen analysis done. You will have no mental evaluations or even a chance to talk to a counselor. Even though she is a good friend, what would happen if there was a misunderstanding during the pregnancy, and she changed her mind? Your husband would be responsible for child support, and who knows which way the court would lean regarding visitation. You would have no contract and no documentation of IUIs or of her intentions of being a surrogate.

My advise is this: Make an appointment with a surrogacy/adoption lawyer in the state that the baby will be born in (can be a phone consultation), find a doctor who will administer IUIs and don't proceed forward until you have a meeting with a mental health counselor – involving the four of you (if she is married or has a partner) – and have a signed contract in hand."

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