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Expert Q&A
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| By Marcia Starkman Nurse Psychotherapist, Maple, Ontario | ||
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I began seeing a woman while she was 8-9 months pregnant. She had already decided that she was not ready for the child and would give it up for adoption. At the birth, she had chosen to hold the child and even nurse it. She is home now and seriously drained of all energy and is depressed. The baby is with the adoptive parents now. I'm trying to do everything I can to make her comfortable and happy. I fear she might have changed her mind about the adoption because of what she said to me: "I want my baby." Either way, I'm going to stick by her. This is my first encounter with this. Please help me to help her.
In order to continue to help this woman, it sounds like you need to continue to do exactly what you are doing. Someone like you is an invaluable resource in providing unequivocal support and comfort during this difficult time for her. With such an emotionally charged decision as giving up a baby for adoption, it is predictable that she may be having second thoughts and going through a period of intense loss and grieving. She needs to be allowed to express her thoughts and experience her feelings. Don't worry about saying or doing "the right thing" or even trying to make her happy. It will take time for her to come to terms with what has happened. It is more important that you just "be there" for her and listen to her when she does feel like talking. You can also help by noticing if her depression worsens (with appetite and sleep changes, concentration problems, or if she begins to verbalize suicidal thoughts) by steering her toward professional help as soon as possible. She is lucky to have a caring person like you in her life.
Marci Starkman, MSN RN
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