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December 16, 2002
This is going to be my holiday entry because Saturday we are leaving for two whole weeks to visit our families. Everyone is so excited to see Patrick and I am excited to show him off. People say, “Doesn’t it suck that no one cares about you any more?” But I do not feel that way. I am so excited about him that I am all too willing to give up some of the spotlight. As a case in point when we went to see Brian’s family for Thanksgiving, his mother met us in the driveway and just scooped Patrick out of the car and ran inside. Brian said ”Well hello to you too Mom!” as she ran away. I thought it was funny. It also shows that she is loving being a Grandma. This is the same woman who told us she never wanted to be one!
First, we are going to drive to my Mom’s house. We will be there from Saturday until the 27th but she is still mad that we will not be there long enough. I can’t please her! The problem is that between my high school friends and her friends wanting to see Patrick, we will not have a spare minute. But that is enough time to be around my family, I promise you! I am so excited to see all of my friends. This is how I know that I am getting older... I no longer think about all the presents that I am going to get at Christmas but how much fun it will be to be with everyone. Then we are going to Brian’s family until after New Year’s Eve. That will be lots of fun too because all of our college friends will be home for Christmas and we are getting together with them.
This week has been tiresome for me. We all have a cold and I cannot shake mine. Patrick has been coughing and congested too. I have taken him to the Dr but he still worries me when I hear him struggling to breathe through all of the gunk in his throat. The Dr said not to worry unless he stops eating and starts to retract (skin pulls in around his ribs) when he breathes. Neither has happened but I am still a wreck.
Despite being a wreck, I did something that I am still getting hell for on Saturday. Patrick was acting great, my best friend and I were bored and it was 50 degrees outside. So we decided to take Patrick to see Santa Claus. This was something that I was not going to do but everyone kept bugging me to do it or I would regret it. So I did. My Mom called while we were gone and when I got back read me the riot act that I had taken Patrick out when he was sick. So I am feeling guilty as hell. Especially since Patrick is not better. He is not worse either. I wish he would get better soon before I go crazy!
I have developed insomnia. I do not know if it is my cold, the heartburn that I am constantly battling or worry over his adoption. They say that nothing can stop the adoption from finalizing barring us abusing him but I still worry! Every time I speak to his birth mother she says something that hurts my feelings. I think that these verbal jabs make her feel better because she is still hurting from placing him with us. I do not like being the focus of her anger even if intellectually I understand why it is occurring. She told me in her last phone call that she is joining the Army and wants to see him before she enters in mid-January. I agreed but I have to admit that I do not like the thought of being around her. It is not the thought that she gave birth to Patrick. For that I am so thankful. It is the stress of wondering how it will go if she is still so angry. I think that you guys can probably understand where I am coming from so if anyone has any advice please post me, OK!
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