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Introduction

Wow, I’m not really sure where to begin as I'm still in a bit of shock. Last Friday I get a call from a mediator service saying they want to set up a TDM (Team Decision Meeting) for our FD and us. All the parties got together this morning and she (FD) decided we were too strict and that she wanted to live somewhere else. So after having her in our home for almost three years, she’s gone. I am just a bag of emotions right now. On one hand, we are relieved as she created tons of stress in our lives. On the other, she was a part of our family, our daughter. And no matter what anyone says we feel like failures as parents. We feel like such bad parents that a kid would rather go live with strangers than stay with us. I know my thinking is not completely rationale right now but its how I feel. I'm writing this now because I want to get these emotions out. These kids may only be fostered but they feel like our own children. So now we are left with a huge whole in our lives and hearts. Where do we go from here?

It’s been really rough with FD for the last year. We have not been able to trust her alone for any period of time because she finds a boy to be around and sexually active with. Just when we give her a little bit of rope she does something harmful for herself. As I said in my last post we have gotten no help from Social Services until now. The system has been at times worse than the kids. When the social worker heard FD was cutting herself her response was take it one day at a time. Yeah, ok. And if she winds up dead or hurt its our fault. I have a gut feeling she is going to blow out of the new home and end up pregnant and or on drugs. I feel so bad for her but also feel that at 15 almost 16 it is time for her to start taking responsibility for her actions.

So that leaves us childless for the first time in 3 years. Wow, what a difference. I have to admit that it is nice to have the house quiet and organized. However, more often than not I am left wondering exactly what we did wrong. How is it that there are foster homes out there starving their kids, beating their kids, in one case in Tennessee making them dig their own mock graves and telling them if they disappeared that no one would care or notice. And this family had 18 kids. Yet we have none placed with us because we have been labeled as troublemakers because we stick up for our kids. We push our kids to do the best they can and not settle for blaming the system and their past. We tell our kids that it is not our past that defines us; it is our response to it and how we use it to shape our future that matters. We tell our kids that they are no different than most of the other kids they know. Everyone has baggage, theirs may be worse but it does not make him or her a worse person. Ok, I guess I should get off of my soapbox now.

I honestly don’t think we will ever hear from Social Services again except to tell us either we passed or failed our homestudy. But I don’t think we will have kids placed with us again. This hurts us deeply. We have a 6-bedroom home, which is in need of children’s laughter. On the other hand we are starting clomid tomorrow so we are crossing our fingers for this cycle. We have always planned on both adopted and birth children though. So we are also planning on going through an independent agency for foster care. So who knows what the future brings for us. We will keep you updated along the way.

Take care and Happy July :-))