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Artificial Twins
Is This Adoption Option for You?
By Cynthia Peterson
When the boys were young infants there was a huge difference in size and appearance, making it obvious to most that they were not twins. It was only after nearing the toddler stage that the nine weeks separating them was less apparent. Difficult questions began plaguing us everywhere our family ventured. "Are they twins?" "Only nine weeks apart? How did that happen?" "They don't look like twins." It was then that I realized how difficult we had made things for our boys.
One of the arguments that adoption educator and author Patricia Irwin Johnston uses against artificial twinning in her article, "Instant Family: A Case Against Artificial Twinning," is one of my greatest dilemmas in raising our two boys:
"To a greater extent than is the case with differing-aged children adopted into the same family, pseudo-twinning puts children's adoption status front and center. Being of differing genetic backgrounds and not quite the same age will make these children's unusual situation something they can never escape, placing them in the social position of being compared and questioned by teachers and peers and perfect strangers throughout their childhoods, despite the likelihood that they are unlikely to be athletically, socially, psychologically or academically – and sometimes not even racially – similar."
While in hindsight I agree with her, this was unfortunately only one of the many issues I hadn't considered when we agreed to the placements. We didn't intend for the adoption to be secret, of course, but I also didn't want the boys to have to explain themselves and their parentage every time they entered a new social situation. It was not my intention for the boys to endure such scrutiny and comparison. Due to my inability to foresee these disadvantages to artificial twinning, I have gone out of my way to help the boys discover and enjoy their individuality.
Rather than encourage the notion of "twinning" we strive as a family to highlight the uniqueness of the boys, thus supporting and nurturing them as individuals. They dress differently, have different haircuts and enjoy separate birthday celebrations. The boys are as different as they could possibly be in their development and gifts. Steven is advanced in most areas and enjoys sports and physically challenging activities while Sean is quiet and introspective by nature and gifted in the areas of music, art and dance.