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Up Front and Personal with Open Adoption

Is Open Adoption for You?

By Sue Poremba

"When you're considering the level of open adoption you want to do, you ought to think ahead to the future and imagine what that will mean in one year, five years, 10 years," Sember says. "What do you want to be able to tell your child about the adoption? What type of information and contact do you want the child to have with her?" She says the contact plan is not part of the adoption order and can't be enforced by a court. "It really requires a level of trust."

Why should families consider open adoption?

"Important information will always be right there," says Cindi Newkirk-Noah, associate director of Adoption Alliance in Denver, Colo. "The adoptive couple knows the birth parents, and there are no secrets."

An open adoption will allow for access of the birth parents' medical history and social background. Newkirk-Noah tells of adopted children who had learning disabilities and were relieved to discover a birth parent had similar learning difficulties. To the children, it meant the disability was genetic and not something "wrong" with them.

However, open adoptions aren't always perfect. Sometimes there is a blurring of boundaries between the adoptive parents and the birth parents, and that can confuse the child. There are situations, too, when the two sides don't see eye-to-eye on how open the adoption should be. For example, the birth mother might want to do no more than meet the adoptive parents, while the adoptive parents want to send pictures every year on the child's birthday.

If all parties don't want the same thing, a mediator, like an agency, should be brought in to handle any correspondence or interaction between the families, Cohen says.

Want to see more?

• Open Minds and Open Hearts: A Glance at Open Adoption
• Bringing Adoption into the Light: The Myths About Adoption
  and How to Fight Them
• All About Birth Mothers: Learning About Those Who Place Their Children for Adoption
• Check out our Article Library.
• Talk about it!