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Off Your Rocker?
Should You Adopt When You're Older?
By Elise Kaplan
Aside from your age, your biological children's ages come to mind when adopting at an older age. The older your biological children, the more perspective they can draw upon as they adjust to their new sibling. The idea and then the reality of a new brother or sister can still take some time to get used to – even for adult children – but many older adopters are surprised by the positive impact a new child has on older siblings. Some, like Poisson-Dollar's 13-year-old daughter, enjoy the opportunity to connect with a significantly younger child, almost as a surrogate parent.
Siblings who are closer in age to the new child may have a more difficult adjustment, and there can be some jockeying for position. The youngest biological child loses his or her position as the baby, and may experience rivalry with the new sibling. The reaction of Poisson-Dollar's 10-year-old daughter was classic. "She shrieked with joy, saying, 'This is way better than getting a dog!'" Poisson-Dollar says, laughing. "But when Hana came home about three weeks later, I think she would have rather had the dog."
Massachusetts resident Leslie Evans thought that life might be a little simpler for a first-time parent, like herself, compared wth those who juggle the needs of other biological and adopted children. "When I was younger, I did pretty much everything I wanted to do in life," she says. "As an older parent, I am able to focus entirely on my daughter without thinking, 'What am I missing or sacrificing?' as many of my friends did when they had their kids." Evans is glad that she has the means and the time to devote to her now 22-month-old daughter. "As an older parent, I have more patience and life experience," she says. "Also, because I am older and 'semi-retired,' I have been able to stay at home and have her needs addressed immediately."