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Home › Articles › Getting Ready › Discussing Adoption

Discussing Adoption

How Should You Bring Adoption up to Your Spouse?

By Sue Poremba

Pages:  1  2  3  

Initially, the decision to adopt was "mutual and enthusiastic," according to Gussman. Then the couple discovered the son they planned to adopt had a stroke when he was born. "At that moment, I got scared and my wife did not," Gussman says. He was unsure about adopting a child who would likely have severe problems. His wife never wavered from her decision.

"We talked with our pediatrician," Gussman says. "They convinced me that children who have a stroke at birth can develop other parts of their brain to compensate for the part that died." He agreed to the adoption. "I have had no doubts since that one bad moment, and my wife was very right that we could do this," he says.

"One person should not pressure the other into adopting a child," Adamec says. "Although most of the time one person wants to adopt more than the other, it's a very bad idea to try to compel a disinterested person into adoption. It isn't good for the child."

Adoption has many pros and cons, but the most important thing to consider is the welfare of the child, Adamec says. Both parents should be willing and able to open their hearts to an adopted child.

"Don't try to ram your own views down your spouse's throat," Masini says. "Be respectful and understand that this [is] a joint decision, not a unilateral one."

When You Disagree

You've decided adoption is your best option to have children, but you aren't sure your spouse agrees. To discuss the matter:

  • Schedule time to talk about adoption when neither of you is rushed or involved with other things. Like all major conversations, it should be given full attention by both people in the relationship.
  • Present your side of the discussion calmly and rationally. Respect your partner's feelings.
  • Listen to your partner's side. His opinions are as valid as yours.
  • Agree to let the conversation rest for a time period if necessary and come back to it after both sides have ample time to mull over the other's point-of-view.


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