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Adoption Step by Step
5 Tips to Know Before Starting the Adoption Process
By Teri Brown
"The more flexible you are as a family, the better your chances are of a successful placement," Hernandez says. "Don't set your expectations of the process and placement unreasonably high. Unfortunately, with so many factors involved in the adoption process it is impossible to guarantee a flawless process. The more transparent you are with the adoption agency and the more information you are able to share about your family, the easier it will be to make a proper match."
Depending on the adoption route you pursue, you may have an opportunity to meet the birth parents. The degree of openness varies based on the situation surrounding the adoption – whether it is an infant adoption in which the birthparents are involved or an adoption of a child who has been in foster care.
According to Hernandez, it is important to remember that the openness in the relationship must be such that everyone's needs are met, especially those of the child. "Initially, many families are reluctant to have contact with birth families, for fear they may jeopardize the adoptive placement," she says. "However, we feel that it is important to embrace the opportunity to get to know this part of a child. Obtain as much information about the birth parents' history as possible and include this information in the child's life book. It will be a benefit to both you and the child in the future."
When meeting the child, it is important to take things slow. As new parents you will probably be very excited (and nervous). You also have to be open and understanding to the feelings the child may have, too. Have your first meeting somewhere the child is comfortable (a relative's home, their foster home, etc.).