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We're Home! Now What?
Transitioning into a Family
After Adoption By Sue Poremba
Easing the Transition"When you are preparing for your child's placement, you will want to find out as much as you can," says Stephanie Wolfe, regional manager of foster care and family services of KidsPeace. "It is important to recognize that children suffer many losses in adoption, the loss of important people with whom they may have developed meaningful relationships, the loss of familiar surroundings, even the loss of many of their own belongings. When you are aware of these losses and are comfortable supporting the child as they are grieving them, you will build a much stronger and healthier relationship with your child."
After Adoption
Brenda Foster of Manassas Park, Va., learned how important it is to find out as much information as possible. She adopted a daughter from Russia and spent as much time as possible learning about the Russian culture and found a pediatrician who specializes in international adoption. Even though, she still had much to learn after she brought her daughter home.
"Somehow in all my preparatory reading, I missed the fact that children from an institutional setting have difficulty with over-stimulation," Foster says. "They are flat on their backs for the most part in a white room with very little noise. When they get home, the last thing they need is a brightly decorated, toy-filled nursery and tons of people talking to them and holding them all the time. That's exactly what my daughter came home to, and I think over-stimulation affects her to this day."
In addition, Wolfe says that neither the parents nor the child should be surprised by the awkwardness, especially in the beginning. "Just as with any new relationship, it takes time to build trust, and as this trust grows, both parent and child will begin to feel comfortable and secure with one another," she says. "Many parents find it reassuring to remember that this is a process that doesn't have to be rushed."