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The Tangled Hearts Project
Celebrating Adoption and Foster Parenting By Teri Brown
Today, the Orphan Foundation of America (OFA) manages the Tangled Hearts Scholarship fund. OFA is a nonprofit organization founded in 1981 to "help orphans and foster youth as they transition from foster care to young adulthood, with particular emphasis on helping these young men and women attend college or vocational school.
Not wanting to stop there, Bongiorno became a court appointed special advocate to serve foster care children. "If you think one person can't make a difference, advocate for a child," says Bongiorno. "It will change your mind and quite possibly your life."
Bongiorno feels that the image of the foster care system is in desperate need of reframing. "Our society views these children as damaged and therefore less than desirable additions to our families – in short, we don't want to get involved," she says. "We wouldn't think of leaving a child who is a victim of a car crash bleeding by the side of the road, because the injured deserve care and compassion. Why then our bias against foster children? Have we allowed the crimes of the parents to taint the children? It's a good possibility, and one we had better fix. A society should not sink so low as to punish a child for a parent's crime."
As for adoption, Bongiorno feels that our society has spent more than enough time not talking about it. Many children were never told they were adopted. Everyone else in the family might know, but the children themselves are too often left in the dark. The sense of loss and betrayal they feel when they find out are a perfect environment to foster low self-esteem and other emotional difficulties.
"Because it's uncomfortable to talk about unwed mothers, the choice to abort and the choice to give a baby over to others for adoption, we've allowed a sense of shame to attach itself to birthmothers and their children," says Bongiorno. "That's just wrong. Let's shine a light on the whole process, open dialogue and demystify birthmothers and adoption. We need to reframe adoption and see it for what it is – a socially responsible act that is a healthy way to form families."