quick clicks

iparenting adoption articles

iparenting adoption q&a

community & groups

research baby names

prepare a birth plan

content channels

ip channel rss feeds

read birth stories

read parenting stories

recommended books

e-newsletters

safety recalls

ip diaries

ip store

mom of the month

dad of the month

editor's letter

letters to the editor

All About Birth Mothers

Learning About Those Who Place Their Children for Adoption

By Teri Brown

According to Moriarity, feelings of loss and guilt are usually the strongest issues to be worked through. "To give up one's child, regardless of the compelling reasons for the decision, is a gut-wrenching, life-transforming experience for most women who choose this option," she says. "Some women never do get over the resultant feelings of guilt, remorse and second-guessing their decision."

Women who place their babies for adoption typically need to address compelling social and family issues. She is a mother without a child and no longer a child herself. The question "What if?" typically persists for many years for these women. It is almost inevitable that a woman who has placed a child will experience, at some point in her life, such painful questions.

Open adoptions have changed the entire adoption process. All parties involved have access to information that used to be sealed. Birth mothers can get regular updates on their child, as well as have occasional visits. Adoptive parents now have access to potentially important medical and genetic information.

"Closed adoption was never an option," says Carolyn Bourg of Omaha, Neb. "I didn't want to, nor could I, go through life always wondering where she was and if she was being taken care of properly. I needed to have that peace of mind."

Bourg was a 16-year-old high school student when she became pregnant. Her parents didn't like her boyfriend, and Bourg felt that adoption was the best answer. "I kne that if we kept her, I would never finish school, and I knew we would not be able to give her the life she deserved," Bourg says. "Giving your child to someone else to raise is one of the hardest things – if not the hardest thing – you will do in your lifetime. Open adoption, for me, made it easier, in a sense."

Want to see more?

• Open Minds and Open Hearts: A Glance at Open Adoption
• Perfect Timing: When to Tell Your Child About His Birth Mother
• Maybe a Baby? Navigating the Infant Adoption Maze
• Check out our Article Library.
• Talk about it!