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Sharing the Love

Preparing for a Sibling

By Heather V. Long

Living with children is a continuous teaching and learning process for both children and parents. Preparing your current child for the arrival of a new sibling whether homemade or adopted can help avoid the natural insecurities that children develop when they feel jealous of a new arrival.

"Children should be prepared for the introduction of a new child into the home in advance of the child's arrival," says Gloria Hochman of the National Adoption Center. "When the child is older, chances are he or she will have already met the other children in the family. There would have been pre-placement visits during which time the children will have gotten to know each other. If the child is coming from another country, it helps to explain to the children already in the home the cultural background of the new child and get their help and suggestions about making the child feel welcome."

"We visited with our kids about the process and about what we were going to do," says Greg Eagy of Boise, Idaho. Eagy and his wife, Chandra, adopted two of their daughters from China, when their children were 18, 17 and 15. "Because our kids were teenagers, they were into some pretty serious questions," he says. "When we had our home studies, our oldest, Ryan, was honest and told the caseworker he did not understand why we wanted to do this. I think it was hardest on our youngest, Tarah, with the first adoption, as the attention shifted to the new arrival very quickly. She fell in love with the little girl pretty quickly and adjusted to it, but for a few months it was a struggle."

"We explained to our daughters that we were going to adopt," says Barbara Green of Silver Spring, Md. "They were 8 and 4 at the time. My 4-year-old had a vision of bossing around this 2-year-old little girl we were getting, and it was pretty tough that first six weeks because Kseniadidn't speak any English. She started to pick up English within 10 days, in self-defense I think, because she realized this 4-year-old wasn't going to stop badgering her."

Want to see more?

• Check out our Article Library.
• So You Want to Adopt? A Beginner's Guide
• The Adoption Homestudy: Necessary Evil or Helpful Experience?
• Domestic Adoption: Building a Family
• Talk about it!