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Hope and Joy at the End of an Adoption Rainbow
By Kerri Charette
e level of distrust others exhibited toward the situation: What if she changes her mind? What if Joy wants to live with her birth mother when she's older? What if Hope tries to take Joy? These questions, posed to us by caring people in our lives are fueled by media stories of adoptions gone bad. Less publicized is the common thread of adoption law not being followed in these sad cases. 
In fact, when Hope learned Joy was placed in foster care, she asked the agency if she could raise the child. She wanted her gold back. Even though Hope is the child's birth mother, since she had legally terminated her parental rights, a home study through an adoption agency would need to be completed. Hope was in no position to pass a home study and quickly realized she needed to choose a forever family for her baby girl, who waited in foster care.
After choosing our family to care for her gold, Hope did feel that her pot was empty. Brian and I could not find any reason to allow the woman who brought our child into the world to suffer for her heroic decision. We quickly moved from visits at the adoption agency with our social worker present to visits at our home with Hope and her mother. Joy is our daughter, make no mistake about that fact, but we never want Hope to pretend she didn't give birth to Joy.
Embracing the spirit of open adoption has also meant that we include Hope's family in our lives. Hope's mother and sister, Aunt Joy, visit our home every other month. When we speak by phone to set up these visits, Hope's mom reminds me that she wants to see all of our children, not just Joy, her biological granddaughter. Keeping openness in the adoption has enabled our family to have more people to love and share life with.
Brian and I hope to increase awareness about the normalcy and love involved when a birth parent remains in the life of an adopted child. Potential adoptive families and birth mothers need to know of the benefits and joys of open adoption. If a young girl becomes pregnant and chooses to terminate her legal parental rights, she doesn't terminate the love in her heart for a child born to her. Adoptive parents need not be fearful of a birth mother wanting the chance to love and know a child to whom she has given life. Why be greedy with the gold at the end of the rainbow?
Openness in adoption is quickly becoming the norm rather than the exception in both private- and state-arranged adoptions. Adult adoptees often speak of wishing to know who their birth parents are, not to abandon their families, but to simply know. One's medical history and heritage need not be a secret, and often when adopted persons search for a birth parent, the term "reunion," which implies a happy gathering, is far from what takes place.
Birth mothers, too, can spend countless hours waiting for the phone to ring when the child they placed for adoption turns 18 and, in many states, can legally contact a birth parent. Much of this pain and tension can be reduced and even eliminated when an adoption remains open.
According to the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption