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A Happy Ending

Our Adoption Experience

By Mike Donoghue

It was a difficult ride when my wife and I were trying to get pregnant. Aside from undergoing a series of stressful tests to see if we had any fertility problems, we were also considering the issue of our semi-advanced age and if there would be any associated birth defects should we conceive. It seemed as if all of our family members, friends and neighbors were having kids. We couldn't walk down a street or through a mall without being reminded of what we didn't have and might potentially never have.

Through it all, adoption was in the back of our minds but we considered ourselves "unmarketable" as prospective parents. Age was one thing, but money was another. We had limited resources, and discussions with other adopting parents revealed just how expensive the process could be. It was discouraging to think that only people of monetary means could afford to get a child, regardless of how much love the rest of us might have. It was also unfortunate that our insurance carrier considered childbirth a covered expense while adoption was not.

Given those restrictions, we explored what options we had.

To be fair, we found a number of places, both state and private, that have children available for adoption at considerably smaller fees. However, many of these kids have special needs that require special attention. Some of their needs are based on physical disabilities. Others may stem from emotional scars left by abuse or neglect. These children may have been bounced around from foster family to foster family if their condition and the support they need didn't match. As a result, they are older and potentially more difficult to connect with and help. These children require more than traditional parenting skills. (If you are considering this option, it is important that you review not only the needs of the child, but also take a hard look at your ability to give the child what he or she needs.)

During our search, family and friends sent us adoption information at an alarming rate. Many spoke of lawyers or agencies that could help us find a child, but they were too costly. Others directed us to some agencies that have step-rated programs based on income. Some of these agencies have specific requirements (religious or ethnic affiliation), but others were less strict. We located an agency in another part of our state that had less conflicting rules than its closer sister offices.

Want to see more?

• Adoption: Where Do I Start?
• Building a Family Through Domestic Adoption
• International Adoption: Building Families Without Borders
• Talk about it!