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New Age Families

Family-Building for Gay and Lesbian Parents

By Jonathon Allen

Many modern couples across the country are redefining the traditional family model by forging lifelong family relationships with partners of the same gender. The U.S. Census Bureau (USCB) estimates that in 1998 there were at least 1.6 million same-sex cohabitant partners (865,000 males and 809,000 females) in the United States. Though same-sex marriage is largely not recognized by law, 90 percent of cohabitant gays are in what they describe as long-term, committed relationships.

Like many couples, those who share a common gender desire the experience of having children. According to the USCB, in 1998 approximately 167,000 same-sex couples had children younger than 15 years old living with them, and almost as many said they were interested in having children in the next four years.

Various options, including artificial and donor insemination, domestic and international adoption and surrogacy, are available to gay couples who desire to be parents. The most common way same-sex couples achieve mutual parenthood is for one partner to initially be the sole legal parent of a child (via inseminated pregnancy or individual adoption), and the second partner petitions a court at a later date to allow for a second-parent adoption using a streamlined process.

Stepparent adoptions allow gay couples to have equal parental rights. Most states streamline the process of stepparent adoptions by eliminating the usual required steps including home studies, statutory waiting periods and accounting of adoption expenses.

"Our 4-year-old son, Gus, is the result of a donor insemination, but his father is a dear friend of ours," says Christie Nordhielm, who lives with her partner, Marta, in Evanston, Ill. "It has worked out really well. Not only does Gus have two loving, committed parents, he also knows his father and he will be able to develop full relationships with all of us. After looking at our options, I really couldn't have done it any other way than to do a donor insemination with someone I know and respect. Now it's just a matter of Marta applying for second-parent adoption."

Want to see more?

• Check out our Article Library.
• The Surrogacy Search: Starting Out
• Gift-giver: Profile of a Surrogate Mother
• Donor Egg & Sperm
• A Dream Come True: The Same-sex Couple's Guide to Surrogacy
• Talk about it!