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Post-adoption Depression
What You Don't Know Can Hurt You By Ninotchka Beavers
work that can leave anyone feeling utterly overwhelmed. Add to that all of the emotional buildup that is the result of an often tedious and extended journey to parenthood for adoptive parents, and it's not difficult to surmise that there is going to be an emotional letdown. Taken by SurpriseSadly, these feelings often take new parents by surprise. "I remember reading that people who have been together for a long time by themselves would have a hard time adjusting to the changes," says Laurie Twit, an adoptive mother from Horn Lake, Miss. "I remember thinking that that could be me we had been together for over eight years just the two of us but then I chalked it up to 'that won't be me'. I didn't realize that I could feel depressed, exhausted, have anxiety, etc.
"I do realize now that people that give birth have nine months or so to prepare," she says. "I had seven weeks, and in that time, a birthparent could change their mind so you try not to get 'too excited', which means you don't go through the normal nesting period. You are always on the 'what if' mode. I also tried so hard to maintain my 'normal' life that it got the best of me. I couldn't clean like I used to or go to the store or even eat a hot meal or sleep like I used to do. It was a really hard adjustment. I really haven't shared it too much with others. I really didn't figure that people who never adopted before would understand. [Therefore], I never sought outside help for it."
Unfortunately, Twit is not alone in her feelings. According to Ann Dunnewold, Ph.D., of Dallas, Texas, and co-author of the book The Postpartum Survival Guide (New Harbinger Publications, 1994), post-adoption depression caries a stigma with it that is often hard for sufferers to explain or escape. Adoptive couples are supposed to be ecstatic at becoming parents. Any negative feelings that come with this joyous occasion are suppressed out of shame. They feel that they must be horrible people or somehow inadequate to parent a child if they have these feelings.