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Knowing Their History
Children of Open Adoption as Teenagers By Sue Marquette Poremba
For some teenagers in an open adoption, knowing the names and a little history of their birth parents is all they'll have. For others, an open adoption can be the beginning of a life-long relationship.
Kelly Ulonska of Pittsburgh, Pa., is a birth mother who was involved with an open adoption. "Kiersten had a few rough patches when she was younger, mostly because children don't understand about adoption," Ulonska says. As Kiersten got older,she and her birth motherhave kept in regular contact. Now a teenager, Kiersten was a bridesmaid in her birth mother's wedding. "Kiersten has turned out to be such a wonderful child, and her parents and I agree that it's because of our efforts to make sure she's never had questions that have gone unanswered. She knows she can ask me anything, and pretty much has."
"Adoptive parents need to feel secure in their role as parents and recognize that teens challenge their parents on many issues," says Kristine Huson of Children's Home Society and Family Services in Minnesota.
Bendig recommends a positive attitude about the birth parents and good communication with your teenagers. "Honesty is the key," she says. "Open and honest communications. Miscommunication can cause some problems."