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Keeping Ties After Adoption
Help Your Child Hold on to Heritage
By Julie Laatsch-Kitchen
Becca Piper has made helping adoptive families her career and her passion. As an adoptive mother herself, an escort of adopted children from around the world and the owner of Tempo Travel, which specializes in helping adoptive parents with their travel plans, she has vast experience in adoption.
Fifteen years ago, she launched the Ties Program, but not before she thoroughly researched the needs of adoptive children for more than three years in order to make sure the program involved the children and dealt with their emotions on being adopted from another country.
What age is best to enter your child into this program? "It all depends on the child," says Piper. "Don't force the children to go if they are not ready. Some children are more in touch with their feelings and are ready to deal with it at an earlier age." Different ages will internalize the visit differently. "When they travel at a younger age, 4 to 8, they might say, 'Wow I came from a cool place,'" says Piper. "When they are older, they may say, 'Why did I get sent to a family so far away, and what do the Koreans think of me?'"
The Ties Program focuses on the needs and feelings of the children at different ages. There is a talk time where they can talk about their feelings. Piper points out that some may not be ready for this, and they are never forced to join. The older children have a chance to visit a birth home, which is a very emotional time for them – but an important time. This helps them to understand the difficulties and importance of the decision made by the birth mother. Many children enjoy this the most, because they are allowed to play with the children while visiting.
"It is important to note that kids get different messages and they struggle as they process these; they need to come to a place in their hearts and minds where they can accept being a part of both cultures," says Piper. "This peace may take a while, and it is a very important part of their growing up."