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No Connection
Surviving Attachment Disorders By Teri Brown
It's no secret that children grow quickly. In fact, the first two years of a child's life is a time of rapid growth, change and development. Many important physical and emotional milestones occur that will affect the child for the rest of its life. One of these developmental markers includes a healthy attachment to the primary caregiver. That two-year process of attachment is crucial to all the other relationships that come after. If you adopted your baby from the foster care system, internationally or domestically during that time, your child may be affected.
After adopting three teenagers and in the process of adopting two more, Pam Mathis of Lady Lake, Fla., has more than a passing acquaintance of how an interruption in the attachment process can affect a child. All five of her adopted teens have had trust issues and lashed out at the adults in their lives even though those adults were trying to help them.
"At first, we didn't know how to handle it; we just did what we thought was right," Mathis says. "We established firm boundaries and kept them; we gave lines that could not be crossed and stuck to them. If boundaries were pushed, the kids dealt with consequences. We had to learn how to deal with the children individually on a day-by-day basis, taking it step by step and refuse to give up. Each child brought individual baggage and attachment disorders."
Setting boundaries and offering firm, loving guidance has worked wonders with the kids. "We don't do anything we'd ask them not to do we don't fight, curse or smoke; it's all about living your life before your children," Mathis says. "It's been a learning process as we tried to figure it all out, but we have five completely different children now."