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The Labor of Adoption
The Emotional Highs and Lows of Adopting a Baby
By Beth Erickson
After we brought our baby home from the hospital last summer, I was visiting with a girlfriend and bemoaning the stress we felt in becoming a family of four with two weeks' notice – having two children under 15 months old just weeks after we'd moved and I'd had minor surgery. We were not even completely unpacked from the move, nor would we be for the foreseeable future. Our son was regressing with his pacifier, getting up again at night and crying whenever his sister did. Sleep was at a premium. What's more, we were considered a legal risk placement for our daughter. We would be her foster parents until termination of parental rights occurred. We knew it would be months until we could officially adopt her.
"Just be glad you didn't have to go through labor," my friend quipped. What I really wanted was some empathy. Despite having gone through two adoptions, you're never really prepared for the ignorant, yet well-intentioned, comments people make. I felt hurt, but I replied with a laugh. "Well, at least you had nine months of preparation!"
Although we changed subjects, the sting lingered. I found myself jealous of the traditional pregnancy and childbirth process. And I couldn't help but think about how perceptions of adoption can be so misguided, for there is certainly labor involved – and in varying degrees.
With adoption, "labor starts at day one, but it's a lifetime," says Melissa Bowe-Rietschel, adoption supervisor for Catholic Charities in the Diocese of La Crosse, Wis. "When I first work with families, I always tell them that adoption is going to be the most difficult journey of their life. It's extremely rewarding in the end, but the emotional part is such a roller coaster that it's almost beyond words."
From the get-go, the process is labor-intensive no matter what state you live in and whether you choose domestic or international adoption. Though widely varied, the process can include any or all of the following: completed application, paperwork, a family photo album or dossier, a home study to ensure the adoptive home meets foster care regulations and mandated pre-adoptive education. Those choosing international adoption have the added work of dealing with paperwork for the U.S. Department of Immigration and Naturalization.
