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Welcome Home, Adopted One
Easing Your Newly Adopted Child into the Family
By Keath Castelloe Low
(Rodale, 2004). Both are staunch supporters of adoption and have a unique perspective as professionals because they have struggled with post-adoption issues related to their own daughter's adoption.
"When a child comes 'home,' he or she is being bombarded with stimuli from the environment, caregivers and others in his/her new world," Drs. Foli and Thompson say. "It is hard for us to imagine what he/she is perceiving and processing. And yet the child usually adapts, given time. While many parents report an immediate bond with their child, other parents need time. This is also true for the child. The child may be grieving multiple losses, again depending on age and circumstances."
Some parents wonder how to gently handle family and friends who seem to be pushing too hard, wanting to be too involved, or those who simply do not give the new family enough time alone. Drs. Foli and Thompson believe that parents should be "positively assertive" and educate loved ones when the family is feeling crowded. "Positive explanations such as, 'I know you want to be involved right now, but it's so important that we get to know our child first. Give us some time and please know how much your support means to us,' will help others understand that this is a critical time for parent and child," they say.
Drs. Foli and Thompson acknowledge, however, that being a new parent can be an overwhelming time and they encourage parents to seek help when it is needed. "Adoptive parents, as with all new parents, definitely need support and shouldn't hesitate to ask for it," they say. "Cooked meals, help with household responsibilities and other children and an open listener provide critical support."
