Naming the Baby

When There's Disagreement, What's the Solution?

By Mardie Caldwell, COAP

Naming the baby is the first important step of the parenting process once the baby has arrived – for the adoptive parent and very often for the birth parent. But when the birth mother wants to name the baby and adoptive parents have chosen another name, some tense moments could be created.

I want to assure you, however, that it is OK to allow the birth mother to name the baby. Her mental and emotional well-being might depend on her being allowed to take this step in the adoption process. As the adoptive parents, you don't need to despair over the birth mother's decision, because you can choose whatever name you like for your child in your own home. Her decision should not stop you from adopting the baby.

Recently, we worked with one family who decided to back out of an adoption plan that was a perfect situation. A healthy baby was on the way and everything was going smoothly, except they didn't like the name the birth mother had chosen for the baby. Not realizing they could call the baby by the name they had chosen – for example, a nickname – they backed out of the adoption. The very next waiting family was overjoyed at the opportunity to parent this soon-to-be-born baby. The adoptive parents and birth parents each named the baby, and everyone went away happy with the results.

Birth parents have the undeniable right to choose a name to be on their copy of the birth certificate. In the adoption process, as adopting parents you will receive a brand-new birth certificate with your name on it along with the name you choose for your baby. The original birth certificate is permanently sealed and would require a court order to be opened in most states.

Want to see more?

• Adoption Medicine: A Specialty You Need to Know
• Adoption Agencies: What You Need to Know
• All About Birth Mothers: Learning About Those Who Place Their Children for Adoption
• Check out our Article Library.
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