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Tackling the "A" Word
When and How to Tell Children They're Adopted
Dr. Wheeler says that parents should talk about connections. Explain to your children that connections, like the bonds of love and family, are not dictated by biological factors or bloodlines. For older children, offer an example to which they can relate. Maybe they have a friend that they love very much and explain how that love is not predicated on factors like biology.
Throughout the adoption process, the family will undergo many transitions. Addressing change can help the child to better adjust long-term. Particularly in international adoptions, Dr. Boris Skurkovich, director of the international adoption clinic at Hasbro Children's Hospital, says it's important for parents to not only celebrate and learn about a child's cultural and ethnic differences, but also to help the child adjust to their new culture. This is especially important with older adopted children who have a keen understanding of their native cultures.
"It's essential that an adopted child receive specialized care to address the emotional needs that arise in their unique situation," says Dr. Skurkovich. "For example, when a 10-year-old child from Russia has lived in an orphanage for her entire life, she may have difficulty understanding not only the American culture, but the culture of a family and a home."
