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Tackling the "A" Word
When and How to Tell Children They're Adopted
Experts from the International Adoption Clinic at Hasbro Children's Hospital and Bradley Hospital, the nation's first psychiatric hospital for children, offer advice for parents in any stage of the adoption process.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, in 2000, 1.6 million or 2.5 percent of all children under the age of 18 were adopted. With the number rising, especially in international adoptions, many parents are in more need than ever for guidance on when and how to tell their children that they are adopted. Throughout the adoption and transition process, new parents must consider the emotional and physical needs of the child.
"Immediately," according to Dr. Elizabeth Wheeler, a child psychiatrist with Bradley Hospital and Brown Medical School in Providence, R.I. "Obviously, a 1- or 2-year-old is not going to comprehend the complicated facts of adoption, but he or she can start becoming partially aware of their special identity."
Dr. Wheeler advises parents to be authentic with their children from the very beginning, because this breeds trust. From the moment that they are capable of understanding, parents should begin telling their children what they can developmentally comprehend. One way to approach a young child is to explain how babies come into the world and how an adopted child's situation is different. For example, using whatever language comes naturally, a parent can explain that babies grow in a woman's pelvis, pointing out familiar adults who are pregnant as examples.
Parents shouldn't fear saying the "right thing" either. There is no correct language or method to use when telling a child she is adopted. "You know your child best, so approach the discussion in the way that you feel is most appropriate," says Dr. Wheeler.
