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Rejection

The Common Thread

By Yvette Pompa

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Smith points out that the verbalization of a child's feelings may be expressed in an awkward and hurtful manner. I often use my visuals when this kind of moment hits my family, and I do everything possible to always be prepared. Still, reality kicks in along with the proverbial slap in the face, and I become ambushed with rejection, left to wonder if this emotion of rejection that is shared by child and parent is helpful in the growth process between them.

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"Rejection is one of the seven core adoption issues that everyone in the adoption triad shares the adoptee, birthparent and adoptive parent(s)," says Lisa Talucci, therapist and adoption expert in Beverly, Mass. "The adoptive parents need to know that many adopted children expect to be rejected on an unconscious level, which can play out most dramatically within the family.

"This can be acted out in many ways as a means to confirm their pain and belief system, which resounds with, 'I'm not good enough. I was given up.' Parents need to understand why this is being played out, know their personal and familial issues and be willing to work on them. Often, adoptive parents do not have the answers or information that is missing from a child/adolescent's history, but there is great value in being able to sit with their child in the unknown. The journey that each adoptee takes to understand their story is very unique, and openness and support are invaluable."

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