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Step by Step
Family Building Through Stepparent Adoption
By Kelly Burgess
(Adoption Shop, 2004). 
Of course, it's not always as simple as contacting the non-custodial parent, explaining the situation to them and having them happily agree to allow your new spouse to adopt. Sometimes, the custodial parent doesn't have a clue where the other parent is; sometimes the parent, even if they're not involved in their child's life, is against the idea of giving up that legal claim to their child. Neither of those scenarios necessarily rules out termination.
Linda Clemons of Westminster, Calif., was married for six years, and she and her husband had two children together. Although he'd been a good father when they were together, when he left her, he ended all contact with his children, as well – even though he remained in the area. When Clemons remarried, her new spouse, whom she had dated for several years, wanted to adopt the children. Their biological father agreed without any argument.
Even if he had not, Baum says Clemons would still have had a case for termination. While laws and procedure vary from state to state, in general, if a parent leaves their child in someone else's care or custody for a period in excess of one year without being involved in their lives in a meaningful manner, that parent's rights may be terminated due to abandonment.
Baum says he has seen cases where a father hasn't seen a child from birth, but then objects to termination of his parental rights when the child is 14. The courts will generally not take pity on that parent. "It boils down to this: You can't pick and choose which days you'll parent and which days you won't," says Baum. "You can't just waltz in and out of a child's life to suit your own whims. If you're not prepared to parent through thick and thin, don't be a parent."
For example, in some courts – even in the same state – when a biological parent can't find the non-custodial parent, the procedure for establishing non-contact may be as simple as an affidavit from a process server. In other cases, the court may require a period of time of newspaper advertisements or affidavits from close relatives in addition to the statements of the custodial parent and the process server.
Baum says the best bet is to find an attorney that specializes in adoption law – not just in family law. "Adoption law is not a separate code – it's usually in the family law statues – but there are intricacies in the field that can be difficult for people who normally specialize in other aspects of family law such as divorce or custody," he says. "As it is, in California, hearing dates are being set six months out. If you show up with a lawyer who didn't realize he had to file something like a military affidavit, you don't get to come back the next day; you have to wait six more months."
In addition, there are many attorneys, like Baum, who pick their specialty based upon their own life experiences. It was his journey through adopting his daughter that led him to specialize in adoption law. He feels that beyond the expertise, the compassion factor is very important to parents navigating the maze of adoption laws. "Attorneys who are adoptive parents themselves know what the people going through this process need to hear," he says. "It's easier to relate to someone who has walked in your shoes."
