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Across Cultures

What You Can Do to Celebrate Your Family's Diversity

By Lisa A. Goldstein

Blatchford and his wife started learning about China as soon as they decided they wanted to adopt from there. As typical Americans, he says, they knew nothing about China. "We started reading about Chinese history and culture, and began learning basic Chinese through books and tapes," he says. "Our goal was to be able to appreciate what we saw and experienced when we picked up our first daughter."

After they returned home, the Blatchfords started celebrating two major Chinese holidays. They learned traditions and now hold home-cooked Chinese banquets. "We cook traditional foods with real Chinese ingredients," Blatchford says. "It's nothing like American-style Chinese takeout." They read Lian Chinese storybooks. They also participate in playtimes and activities sponsored by a national organization with local chapters called Families with Children from China.

"As a result of all this, our daughters are comfortable being Chinese-Americans," Blatchford says. "They appreciate that China is huge and ancient and very cool, and they look forward to going back someday. We are planning a family trip to China in 2009. Part of our itinerary will be visiting the girls' hometowns."

Blatchford's family is doing what Annan-Brady wishes her parents had done: more things with her at home. "Identifying with the culture is something the whole family should want to do in order to establish a stronger relationship," she says. "I'd recommend parents continue to learn about the culture even if the child does not want to." This way, she says, when the child finally comes around and inquires, the parent will have the answers and together they can embrace the culture. Kids don't like being told what to do, but if they see their parents doing it, they might want to be included too.

Another important reason for the parents to be actively involved in this process is because "the child could feel alienated and different if the parents expect the child to learn about [the culture] without the parents being involved in the learning process," says Sook Wilkinson, a clinical psychologist and author of two books related to international adoption. "[This involvement results] in a tacit communication to your child that you value and appreciate your child's culture of origin."

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