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A Time for Thanks (And Pie)
Reflecting on What I Am Grateful for This Holiday
By Linda Sharp
Toilet Paper
Yes, that's right, toilet paper. How can we not offer thanks for a product dedicated to pampering our posteriors? That freed us from corncobs in the outhouse? That made us able to once again use our catalogs in the only way JC Penney intended them to be used? LYCRA
It may not be faster than a speeding bullet or more powerful than a locomotive, but it is able to squish cellulite in a single bound! Reshaping the physical landscape, redefining the topography of our thighs, who among us hasn't said a silent prayer of thanks as they don this wonder fabric and miraculously fit into a dress that moments before quivered in fear in the closet? Recording Industry
Let us pause and offer thanks for the financial genius of the head honchos in the land of pop recording. Without 
their gift for creating prepubescent pop stars – Hillary Duff, Aaron Carter and the like – and thus ensnaring the worship and adoration of our children, how would we ever figure out what to do with our money? Thank you from the bottom of my empty wallet for providing an endless glut of CDs, posters, key chains and magazines. My purse would be so much heavier to carry without you. Time passes quickly, the holiday will come and go, and before you know it we will be decorating for the winter festivities. So as you gather around the table, prepared to enjoy the physical and emotional bounty of Thanksgiving this year, pause for a moment and give thanks for at least one item you normally take for granted. Personally I will be giving thanks for the elastic in my pants that will allow me to eat a second helping of everything and three pieces of pie. Gobble, gobble.
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