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Racial Reactions

When Your Family Crosses
Color Lines

By Michele St. Martin

Sometimes that support comes from unexpected quarters. After Mary Coyle and her husband adopted their first child from Korea, they traveled to her parents' Midwestern home so her family could meet the child. Coyle's father announced that he would take the family to the local VFW for dinner. "I was very concerned about this because of all of the Korean War and Vietnam War vets that would be there," she says. Worry about possible comments that her father might not be prepared to handle plagued Coyle, but she was pleasantly surprised by the warm reaction. "Dad grabbed up Michael into his arms and announced that here was his new grandson, Michael John," she says. "I was so relieved that I nearly fainted!"

Once transracial adoptive parents have the support of family and friends, it's still not always smooth sailing. Families who have adopted transracially often find themselves the center of unwanted attention, questions and remarks. Terry Jokinen says that when, after having three biological daughters, she and her husband adopted their first son from Korea they had to field many questions. "At that time, I was also learning about being an adoptive mother and felt it my duty to educate the public about this wonderful path we have chosen," she says. However, as Jokinen's son grew older and able to understand the questions from strangers, it became obvious that this was no longer appropriate. "I felt uneasy about these personal family questions, andour boundaries were being invaded," she says. "I began to change my answers to more surface answers. I wanted to protect my son and our family's right to privacy."

Coyle is used to strangers asking about her family. Some people have asked if the Coyles' children, both adopted from Korea, are "really" brother and sister. Others wonder about the family composition. "In most situations, people are just curious when they see a family with two Caucasian parents and two Asian children," she says. "There are many stares and many questions. I usually feel generous enough to answer what I think may be a true question – from a person who may even be thinking about adoption."

Want to see more?

• Check out our Article Library.
• Who Am I? The Importance of Racial and Cultural Identity
• Go the Distance: Exploring International Adoption
• Waiting Children: Foster Care and Adoption Basics
• Talk about it!