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You're Not Alone
Addressing the Common Problem of Post Adoption Depression By Kelly Burgess
After adopting a long-awaited child, Karen Foli and her husband, John Thompson, were shocked to discover that it was not always the joyous event that they had imagined. Their new daughter, adopted from India, had been raised for her first five months in an environment where she got little attention. As a result, her behaviors were challenging beyond what Foli had been prepared to face, and Foli felt rejected. Foli was so unhappy she began to wonder if there was something wrong with her. After all, she had wanted this child very badly and had dreamed of nothing else for months. How could she possibly be so depressed?
Harriet McCarthy, who did extensive research on the subject of post-adoption blues back in 1998 and was one of the first to research and write about it, says that depression after adoption is often because feelings of guilt are so strong in adoptive parents. "They may have been through infertility and years of waiting for a child, and now they've gotten what they wanted and feel they should be very happy and present a happy face to the world and to their families," she says. "Unfortunately, there are a lot of stresses associated with adoption, and it can lead to a lot of negative feelings."
McCarthy should know. She is the mother of three boys adopted from Russia. All three were adopted as older children – two at age 6, one at age 5 – and all presented with severe sensory issues and other special needs. A year after she adopted the first child, who had a serious attachment disorder, she went to her doctor and told him she just couldn't handle it any longer. He started her on antidepressants, which she says helped her quite a bit.
McCarthy's experience, both with post-adoption depression and with trying to find answers for her kids' problems, led her to start the Eastern European Adoption Coalition Inc.
