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Open Minds and Open Hearts
A Glance at Open Adoption By Margot Poss
A relationship that was once considered improbable now proves to be the basis for a nurturing environment for many adopted children. The child, birth parent and adoptive family all benefit from the love, candor and knowledge that open adoption offers.
The alternative, a confidential adoption, often leaves many unanswered questions. Birth families frequently wonder who is caring for their child, adoptees question why they were given up and adoptive parents are left to question if the birth mother is going to come back for her child. With open adoption, many of these questions are answered up front, allowing all parties involved to grow and heal together.
Many years ago, the concept of open adoption was thought to be inconceivable. What was once considered unthinkable has now proven to be a most successful relationship for everyone involved. For birth parents and adoptive parents alike, the common link has always been what was in the best interest of the child.
"The child grows up with two parties who love and support them," says Jim Gritter, child welfare supervisor for Catholic Human Services and author of The Spirit of Open Adoption. "The 'language of loss' is the common thread for all three parties: birth parents who are ultimately facing a most difficult separation, the adoptive child who is being separated from his birth parents and adoptive parents who may have faced a loss of their own."
It is this language of loss that can be the common thread through which all parties understand each other and empathize with each other in a way that no third party could fully understand. An environment is created for the adoptee where they can mature and grow into a healthy, contributing member of society. "Oftentimes society tends to overlook the depth of a birth parent's love," says Gritter. "What deeper love could there be than to give up your child so they may live a better life, elevating your child's interest above your own."
For many birth parents, meeting and selecting the adoptive parents is an important step in the healing process. Birth parents are able to know that their child is going to be raised by a family who loves them. The feelings of love and loss shared by all members of the triad provide the perfect basis from which a nurturing relationship can grow.
