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The Best Policy
Talking Honestly to Your Child About Adoption By Heather V. Long
"We have an open adoption," says Ken Peterson of Monterrey, Calif. "Of all the options we were given, this was the best one for us. We're in touch with the birth mom, and she comes to visit every couple of months. She and Gabriel have a good relationship, and Gabriel knows that he grew in her tummy."
"Start at day one," Becker-Weidman says. "The important thing for the child to hear are the words 'was adopted,' not is adopted. The event occurred and is now completed."
Johnson lived next door to her son, Anthony, and his family, so she was aware of all the things he went through as a young child. She even did some babysitting for Anthony's mother from time to time. Johnson became his foster parent years later when she found out he was in a group home.
"We talk about his mother quite a bit,"Johnson says. "I always tell Anthony that nothing that has happened to him is his fault. I told him the things that happened are due to an illness his mother has, and she has very little control over it. He remembers some of the good and bad things that happened with his mother, and I encourage him to talk about all of it."
"When he is older, he will probably have questions," says Peterson of his son. "We are figuring out the way to answer those questions on a level he can comprehend and in a way to avoid confusion. It's important to us that he feel good about himself."
