So You Want to Adopt?

A Beginner's Guide

By Lisa A. Goldstein

Making the decision to adopt is hard enough. Figuring out what to do next can be a bit overwhelming. How should you begin the process?

Several myths surrounding adoption need to be dispelled. A common one is that you'll walk into an agency and get a child a short time later. "Adoption is a long, complicated process where the parents have to jump through a lot of hoops that take time and energy," says Erin Brown Conroy of Portage, Mich., a child expert, author and parent of seven adopted children. "The whole process can be overwhelming, but if you keep your mind on the goal that child in your arms and take one step at a time, then the process doesn't seem so daunting."

Another myth is that you should adopt a newborn so you can raise the child properly, says Dr. Stanley Grogg, a pediatrician who teaches at Oklahoma State University College of Osteopathic Medicine and who has helped prepare hundreds of families for the adoption process. "There are many things that you would know about an older child that you couldn't know about a newborn," Dr. Grogg says. Certain genetic disorders and the outcome of the effects of prenatal drug or alcohol use may be obvious in an older child while unknowable in a newborn.

Dr. Grogg says that many people think internationally adopted children arrive with several problems. While it is true that early interactions with a child have a lifelong effect, once the child has a consultation and therapy, the long-term complications can be minimal. Not only do internationally adopted children not have major problems, but neither do children in foster care. "Children in foster care are frequently from parents who do not want to care for the child for various reasons," says Dr. Grogg.

Now that several myths have been cleared up, you probably have some concerns, like the cost, which varies.

Usually newborns and internationally adopted children are the most expensive, says Dr. Grogg. Prices may range from $5,000 to $30,000. "On the other hand, foster children adopted through state or local social services can be done without significant cost," he says. "If a family works through a private agency, the costs are likely to be higher." Children with special needs can have grants or gifts attached to their adoptions to help place the child, adds Conroy.

If you're worried about the biological parents taking your child away, this should put your mind at ease: Once the adoption is finalized, the court terminates the rights of the birth parents.

And how long will you wait for the adoption to be finalized? The length of the wait depends on the kind of adoption. According to Dr. Grogg, adopting foster care children usually takes four to 12 months. Newborns can take from one to 12 years. International adoption usually can be completed within two years.

Want to see more?

• Adoption: Where Do I Start?
• International Adoption: Building Families Without Borders
• Foster Care and Adoption for Waiting Children
• Talk about it!