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Adoption Ages and Stages

What to Expect

By Sabrina Glidden

"The age at which the child is adopted is crucial and drives everything about their development from there," says Christi Meredith, an early childhood consultant in Muncie, Ind. She explains that through the various stages of development children benefit from having their parents' input and awareness concerning their place in the family during their identity development. Children adopted at older ages may also revert to younger behaviors to establish even their most basic needs, giving adoptive parents an opportunity to gather the building blocks of security for the child to rest upon.

Infancy presents the immediate need for attachment for all babies. Mary Muscari, an associate professor of nursing at the University of Scranton and author of Not My Kid 21 Steps to Raising a Non-violent Child (University of Scranton Press, 2002), says attachment problems are just as possible for children who are not adoptedas for those who are adopted. "It is a matter of that baby developing trust that his needs will be met," she says. "That need can be met or ignored by adoptive or biological families."

According to Meredith, parents must focus more closely on the infant's needs to develop a "goodness of fit." This reciprocal interaction, such as learning the various sounds the baby makes when he wants milk as opposed to his cries when he is in pain, are key factors in attachment. "Mothers need to in-tune themselves with the child's needs and respond accordingly," she says. "Consistently responding to the child's needs will result in trust and decrease the opportunity for negative issues later."

Toddlers begin the urge to confront their world as an individual based on the security they learned in infancy. Children at this age may display anxiety when their mohers walk away. Ironically, they may also want to wander on their own, trusting that their caregivers will still be there when they return. Information presented by the NAIC suggests that this is a natural part of the attachment/separation process. Feeling safe enough to individualize and then return to caregivers is crucial to their development.

Preschool years are notorious among parents for being a period of nonstop questions from children. "Why does the snow melt?" or "How do birds fly?" are common questions parents hear at this stage. For parents, this may be a difficult time.

Want to see more?

• Bonding With Baby: 10 Post-adoption Tips
• Perfect Timing: When to Tell Your Child About His Birthmother
• Domestic Adoption: Building a Family
• Talk about it!