All About Birth Mothers

Learning About Those Who Place Their Children for Adoption

By Teri Brown

"Those birth mothers who give up their children are often motivated by love for the child, genuinely believing that another adult will be more able to raise the child well and give him or her a good, loving home with opportunities for a solid future," Moriarity says. "Some birth mothers give up their children out of desperation, during a difficult period of their lives. After a failed relationship with the child's father or a rejection by her own parents, a young woman is especially vulnerable to making a decision to give up her baby for others to raise."

Counseling during the adoption decision is imperative for birth mothers to help them process the wide range of feelings they experience. Only with full knowledge and reasoned consent should a birth mother place her baby for adoption. Birth mothers who are young, poor and/or emotionally vulnerable should receive the assistance of professionals in making such an important, lifelong decision.

According to Moriarity, feelings of loss and guilt are usually the strongest issues to be worked through. "To give up one's child, regardless of the compelling reasons for the decision, is a gut-wrenching, life-transforming experience for most women who choose this option," she says. "Some women never do get over the resultant feelings of guilt, remorse and second-guessing their decision."

Women who place their babies for adoption typically need to address compelling social and family issues. She is a mother without a child and no longer a child herself. The question "What if?" typically persists for many years for these women. It is almost inevitable that a woman who has placed a child will experience, at some point in her life, such painful questions.

Open adoptions have changed the entire adoption process. All parties involved have access to information that used to be sealed. Birth mothers can get regular updates on their child, as well as have occasional visits. Adoptive parents now have access to potentially important medical and genetic information.

"Closed adoption was never an option," says Carolyn Bourg of Omaha, Neb. "I didn't want to, nor could I, go through life always wondering where she was and if she was being taken care of properly. I needed to have that peace of mind."

Want to see more?

• Open Minds and Open Hearts: A Glance at Open Adoption
• Perfect Timing: When to Tell Your Child About His Birth Mother
• Maybe a Baby? Navigating the Infant Adoption Maze
• Check out our Article Library.
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