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Flying Solo
Single Parent Adoption
Part Two
By National Adoption Information Clearinghouse
Despite the greater acceptance of single parent adoption, the traditional view of parenting, that a child needs a mother and a father for healthy growth and development, still exists. Mental health experts say that the "ideal" is to place a child in a two-parent home with a mother and father who are compatible and loving. However, there are many children for whom this "ideal" is not possible and many single people who feel that such bias is unfair.
Your family and friends may be your first hurdle. They may not understand why anyone would assume the responsibility for raising a child alone. They may ask if you have lost your senses. It may or may not be possible for you to convince them that you know what you are doing. One single parent who experienced this situation advises if this happens to you, "Be strong! You can't let people around you tear you down. They may be negative. If this is your choice, then don't let people influence you. Wait until the child comes, and you'll see how involved some of your friends will get."
Agencies have varying policies in dealing with single applicants. Some don't accept them at all. Others may put your application and request for a home study (a family assessment) on the back burner while waiting to find a couple who wants to adopt. The children offered to you may have disabilities that you cannot handle or be 12 years old when you requested a toddler. If you pursue independent adoption (a path to adoption with no agency involvement) birth mothers may balk when they learn you are single.
Single men face even tougher scrutiny as they are asked intimate questions about their sexuality, motives, friends and living arrangements. They may be qualified to parent and still be turned down.
