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To My Child

By Erin Sansone

I don't know if I am ever going to see you.
I don't know if you'll ever exist.
But no matter what, I want you to know this:

Your father and I are trying to do
Whatever it takes to naturally conceive you.

Every morning, as soon as I wake,
my temperature is what I take.
If it's low, I'm so happy, you see,
This means you may possibly be.

I check my "fluid," and how I feel.
I put it all together,
And you may become real.

The doctors said we need IVF.
The endometreosis,
Has had a horrible effect.

All I hear is, "We told you at 18."
"Now, at 26,
It's impossible to fix."

I cry. I scream.
I have become oh, so mean.
This is not the way this is supposed to be.
"Mother" is a word meant for me!

So many thoughts go through my head.
"Was this because of something I did?"
"I love your father with all my heart,
But maybe he should have left me from the start?"

All those thoughts are starting to fade.
And I am no longer sitting,
In the shade.

I am beginning to realize,
You don't have to come from inside of me,
To truly be a part of me.

My temperature I still take.
The "charting" I still do.
I am still trying – patiently – to wait for you.

But, no matter how you come to be,
Whether through me or an agency,
We will love you – unconditionally!

Want to see more?

• The Art of Tracking Your Fertility
• When is it Time to See an Infertility Expert
• Taking a Different Path Towards Motherhood